my PATH TOWARDS HEALING, GROWTH & GUIDING OTHERS
THE THRESHOLD
On paper, I was living my dream: working across Southeast Asia for an organisation fighting human trafficking. Just three years earlier, a deep calling had inspired me to leave my corporate job and move to Cambodia, volunteering full-time for a cause that moved my heart. I believed I’d found my life’s purpose.
But by 29, I reached a point where I had to admit, I felt lost. I was barely holding it together. Burnt out and disconnected, morning coffee kept me going; an evening drink slowed me down.
The constant stress was taking a toll; tightness in my throat, hair loss, emotional overreactions. Even my faith in the development sector was beginning to waver. Without dismantling systemic power structures, we weren’t truly solving anything. What was the point?
TURNING INWARD
I found myself searching for deeper answers, about life, suffering, purpose, and my place amongst it all. About why I felt so overwhelmed on the inside while appearing capable on the outside. About why I could be in a room with dear friends, and still feel isolated.
Living in Thailand at the time, I attended a three-day silent retreat in a Buddhist monastery on a mountain overlooking Chiang Mai. My soul felt watered for the first time in my life.
I began a daily meditation practice and, without realising it, stepped onto a path that would change everything I thought I knew about life.
THE SEVEN YEAR ASCENT
I immersed myself in spiritual studies, spending extended periods in silence. Understanding life as a journey of the soul felt like a truth I’d always known on some level. I recognised I was in a transition, rather than feeling I was broken. I felt freer knowing that my purpose and identity existed beyond job titles or material achievements.
Studying for a year in a rural temple community in southern India, I began experiencing expansive states of consciousness and bliss. Later I worked with plant medicines and Indigenous wisdom holders. Learning from diverse cultures began to unravel my Western conditioning.
SPIRITUAL ILLUSION
But eventually, the spiritual identity I’d cultivated began to fade.
I came face-to-face with its shadow, the ways in which the human condition can be belittled and bypassed in pursuit of spiritual goals. I was humbled to the truth that like everything else, spirituality cannot be placed on a pedestal.
THE SEVEN YEAR DESCENT
Despite all the awakening, chronic fatigue persisted until I finally recognised a disconnection from my childhood. I had to acknowledge the symptoms of complex trauma, dissociation, and emotional pain presenting as fibromyalgia.
With support, I began to explore consciousness through the body. Buried memories surfaced and over time, I learnt how to meet and heal what I’d spent a lifetime avoiding. I studied the effects of trauma in the body, attachment theory, and qualified as a coach in Pschyosomatic therapy. I understood what embodied spirituality meant and why it matters.
LOVE AS A TEACHER
This all unfolded alongside a beautiful yet demanding relationship. This eight year boot camp taught me how to apply inner work in relational dynamics and in sexual union. Despite wanting to run, we chose to stay, treating our fears as opportunities to grow.
Over time, with help from contemporary tantra, and Intimacy from the Inside Out, our love deepened beyond anything I’d imagined. I now see what a narrow and desensitised version of sex our culture presents us with, and I’m passionate about helping people become aware of the profound experiences available to us through this aspect of our humanity.
After a lifetime of swearing I’d never get married, I proposed in 2022. To this day, I still pinch myself at the connection and pleasure that continues to unfold through our relationship.
Reclaiming LineaGE
During this time I was drawn to reconnect with my ancestral European lineages, visiting sacred sites and walking ancient pilgrimage routes. I spent forty days and nights living in silence in a forest in southwest France, understanding what it means to listen to the land and the elements.
I found myself connecting to the direct teachings of the mystical traditions held by Yeshua, Magdalena, and the Black Madonna, decolonising the overlay brought by the church.
WHERE I STAND NOW
I’ve explored many modalities over the years, but Internal Family Systems and Shamanic practice brought me the most enduring shifts. I found that they offered a bridge between the practical challenges of being human and the expansive layers of our existence. I committed to training in both and continue to deepen my knowledge with these paths.
Today, I live with a deep inner trust that is grounded and free, peaceful and vibrant, compassionate and boundaried. I honour my gifts, turn towards my growth edges, and find joy in exploring the many dimensions of this human experience.
Having faced my shadows, I have a much greater sense of who I am, which helps me navigate life with presence and authenticity.
